Britannia
by Liechtensteinerin
Summary: Just a snippet of a conversation.


Disclaimer: - The usual. I don't own any of the characters (and if wishes were fishes.) and if I did own the copyright, well, lets just say a certain Jonas Quinn would suffer a nasty fate and we'd see a lot more of what we ladies want to see. You know what I mean ;-).  
  
(I know I've put this under humour, but that might be pushing it. I am still working on my other story for those of you who are interested.)  
  
Summary: - NOT slash. This is just a whim I thought up when on the bus. It's kinda random and is just a conversation between Jack and Daniel. (No, not over Jack Daniel's. Between. There is a difference, however, if I had to choose between Jack Daniels and Jack and Daniel, I would chose the former. (I'd give Jack to Joss though, but I wouldn't share Daniel.) This also deals with the prejudice against England which I have seen sooooo many of you put into practise. It's not meant to be insulting, but rather glorifying my home land. (Though technically I am part Irish, Scottish and Native American to name but a few) OK enough of my ramblings. Onto the story.  
  
"So, Danny-boy. Where did you disappear off to last week?"  
  
Daniel winced at his nickname. "I was on holiday."  
  
"So was I. I was in Minnesota. Where exactly were you?"  
  
Daniel mumbled under his breath.  
  
"What was that Danny?"  
  
"England."  
  
"Oh. OH! What were you doing there?"  
  
"I was on holiday Jack."  
  
"But. . . England? It always rains there. Why'd you want to go there?"  
  
"It doesn't always rain there, Jack." Daniel rolled his eyes at the stereotype.  
  
"I thought you liked the desert and stuff. Not the rain."  
  
"Have you ever been to England Jack?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, let me just say, it doesn't always rain. In fact the weather there can be nicer than in Ibiza at times."  
  
"Hey. I watch the news. What about all that flooding? Huh?"  
  
"There are some states I could mention that flood more frequently than England. That was one year for crying out loud. You don't mean to tell me that you base your entire judgement on one news flash r something?"  
  
"No." Jack twiddled his thumbs idly. "Sooooo. Did you have fun?"  
  
"Yes Jack. Lots of fun." Daniel turned his artefact over in his hand.  
  
"What did you do there?"  
  
"This and that."  
  
"This and that?"  
  
"Yeah. Went to some museums,"  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Watched the fireworks."  
  
"They had fireworks? Why?"  
  
"Guy Fawkes Night."  
  
"What night?"  
  
"Guy Fawkes. The fifth of November? You know?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Remember remember the fifth of November, gunpowder, treason and plot?"  
  
"Do you want me to go and get McKenzie? What was that about?"  
  
Daniel sighed exasperated. "It's an English rhyme. They celebrate the death of this guy,"  
  
"Guy Fawkes?"  
  
"Actually his name was Guido Fawkes. He tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament. He got caught and killed."  
  
"And they celebrate this with fireworks."  
  
"And burning an effigy of Guy Fawkes."  
  
"They BURN HIM. Disturbing."  
  
"Not really Jack."  
  
An awkward silence followed this. Jack coughed nervously and Daniel carried on examining his artefacts.  
  
"Sooooo, what museums did you go to." Jack couldn't believe he'd just said that.  
  
Daniel couldn't believe Jack had just said that. He must be desperately bored.  
  
"All sorts."  
  
"An example?"  
  
Daniel then KNEW that Jack was really desperately bored.  
  
"Um. There was this one in Portsmouth."  
  
"What sort of rocks, I mean artefacts, art-e-facts, did it have?"  
  
"Boats."  
  
"Boats?"  
  
"Yeah. It sort of covered England's naval history."  
  
"England has a naval history now."  
  
"Duh. Come on FLYBOY. I'd have though even you would now how famous England was for their navy."  
  
"I don't pay much attention to these things."  
  
"Didn't you serve in the"  
  
"I didn't talk to any of them OK. Now let's move on."  
  
"OK."  
  
"Did they really have a good navy?"  
  
"Still do."  
  
"Oh." Jack looked enlightened.  
  
"Don't you know that song? Rule Britannia?"  
  
"Heard of it I think. What are the lyrics?"  
  
"Rule Britannia. Britannia rule the waves."  
  
"Yeah, that one. What's Britannia?"  
  
"Oh JACK!"  
  
"What?"  
  
Daniel pulled out a fifty pence piece from his pocket that he'd kept as a souvenir. He threw it at Jack.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"That's English money. See the back. The bit without their Queen's head."  
  
"Oh. Who's the broad with the shield?"  
  
"Britannia."  
  
"Is she English?"  
  
"You are hopeless Jack."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
The awkward silence resumed.  
  
"Was there anything you didn't like there?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I don't know, how about the accents?"  
  
"What about them?"  
  
"Do they all talk like Hugh Grant?"  
  
"No Jack. They don't all talk like Hugh Grant."  
  
"What do they talk like?"  
  
"Have you ever seen Eastenders?"  
  
"Yes, actually. My friend in Canada watches it. It's on neo of those obscure satellite channels."  
  
"They're sort of English accents."  
  
"They are?"  
  
"Uh huh. Have you seen the Full Monty?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"They're English accents."  
  
"Righty-ho then."  
  
The clock was ticking very loudly.  
  
"Do you have jet-lag?"  
  
"No Jack, but I have a hangover."  
  
"Oh. Did you raid one of those English pubs?"  
  
"Yeah, but that was last Monday."  
  
"Must have been one hell of an outing."  
  
"No. I went to a club last night."  
  
"A CLUB?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"OK I don't want to know. You? Daniel? In a club?" Jack shuddered. "Anyway. You haven't answered my question. Was there anything you didn't like?"  
  
"Er. The railways?"  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I though they were famous."  
  
"No. Bill Gates is famous."  
  
"Well, the train services work as famously as a Microsoft program."  
  
"That bad huh?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Daniel. Can I ask you a question?"  
  
"You just have."  
  
"Huh? Oh right. Well, did you, did you?"  
  
"Did I what?"  
  
"Did you meet Hugh Grant?"  
  
"No. Out of interest. Is Hugh Grant the only English person you know?"  
  
"Uh huh. The only English actor/actress too. Personally, I don't think English people can act."  
  
"What about Vivien Leigh?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Scarlet O'Hara?"  
  
"Really? She was English? You're kidding me?"  
  
"And Kate Winslet."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Actually, there are loads. I'll tell you over lunch."  
  
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"  
  
"In a word. YES."  
  
"Oh. But I have nothing to do. Teal'c's in Kel'nor'reem. Sam kicked me out. What'll I do?"  
  
"Go to sleep or something I don't know."  
  
"I can't sleep!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because there's NO SLEEP TILL BROOKLYN!"  
  
"What?"  
  
Now it was Jack's turn to start to explain some finer points of culture. I.E. music and TV, but that's another story. 


End file.
